Make Mother’s Day Great for Your Ex Because its Really About Your Kids: Buy Her the Flowers that You Should Have Gotten Her During the Marriage
Separation and Divorce can make holidays like Mother’s Day unnecessarily complicated. There are ways for you to make Mother’s Day less stressful and for you to be an example to your children, despite the conflict you may be experiencing with their Mother.
Be Prepared to Compromise Custody Days
If the children are scheduled to be with you on Mother's Day, ask if you can arrange a switch so the children can be with their Mother. Compromising will go a long way and will show your children that you value their Mother. Make plans ahead of time so that there are no questions as to where the children will be on the day. Consider this day a bonus day if you end up switching, don’t seek to make it up. This, again, will allow Mother to feel valued on a day where she may not have anyone setting up celebratory plans.
If your children’s Mother is not in the state, or visiting her is not possible, it is up to you to encourage and assist your children in celebrating their Mother. Despite your own feelings, if your children are young, you will need to facilitate communication between your children and their Mother, this could be in sending a homemade gift, going to the store and picking out cards with them, or setting up a video chat on the actual day.
Your Children’s Best Interest Needs to be Your Top Priority
Making sure that your children are able to celebrate their Mother needs to be your top priority. Some divorces can become so contentious it may become difficult to think of what they need when what they need is of benefit to their Mother. Keep in mind that the more cooperation that children see between both parents, the more stability they perceive, which is in their best interest. Seeing respectful interactions are also in their best interest; you are an example to them. Take the high road on Mother’s Day (you should do this every day but making an effort on this day will go a long way in their development).
If your children are used to a certain tradition on this day, do your best to uphold that tradition.
You need to make every effort to avoid conflict on this day. Your children are watching you and how you treat their Mother. If you can make this as peaceful of a day as possible, your children will take notice. They will see you value their Mother and she in turn, will feel respected. This can produce a break in the conflict, if your divorce is becoming contentious, which your children will appreciate.
New Partners in the Picture
If your children’s Mother has someone new in the picture, you might want to coordinate with them to see if they’ve made plans. This will minimize any confusion of plans and show your children that you respect their Mother and encourage their celebration of her.
When you have someone new in the picture, follow your children's lead in this department. If they want to include the new step-mom, then you can encourage that decision. Otherwise, don't force it upon them. This isn’t putting their best interest first. Celebrating someone new is a process, one that shouldn’t be forced or rushed for your children.
So yes, send her flowers, cards, candy, or whatever else is going to show your children that loving their Mother is not only important to them, but to you too. Their young hearts and emotions will benefit beyond what you can imagine.